In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
|On Sears hairdryer:|
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
|On a bag of Fritos:|
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
|On a bar of Dial soap:|
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
|On some Swann frozen dinners:|
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
|On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:|
Do not turn upside down. (printed on bottom of the box)
(Too late! You lose!) (I love it: food to piss you off.)
|On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:|
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
|On packaging for a Rowenta iron:|
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
|On Boot's Children's cough medicine:|
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
|On Nytol sleep aid:|
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
|On a Korean kitchen knife:|
Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
|On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:|
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.) (Or underground?)
|On a Japanese food processor:|
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
|On Sainsbury's peanuts:|
Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning)
|On an American Airlines packet of nuts:|
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
|On a Swedish chainsaw:|
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
|On a childs superman costume:|
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
|© 1999 The_One_Brack@Bigfoot.Com||Diese Seite stellt keine Meinungsäußerung der RWTH Aachen dar!||Last updated: 15-Jul-1999|